Tuesday, October 31, 2006

i wonder why you barely ever talk to me. can i chalk it up to time difference? i guess i could, but i know that's not it. type an email if that's the case. i'm not even expecting snail mail anymore. i know that's never gonna happen.
it's funny how the one person i thought would bother to keep contact with me, isn't. is that how it's going to be? minimum contact for months at end, then pretend everything's the same when i go back? then what's the point? a scratch-surface friendship like that, what's the point?
i try to tell you about my life here. 'cause everything's so new to me. i have so much to say of what i've seen here. what i've done. what, do you think i'm bragging about being in the usa? eye-opener: it's not all that great. i'm not having the time of my life. and i'm not lying about it. sure, there are times when i like it here. i didn't come here to get depressed over leaving.
it's like i'm being regarded as non-existant. how come none of you guys ever msg me? did you never see the distress signals i've been sending out the past few weeks? or can't you be bothered to take the time to find out?
i don't know what to say or think. it's like i'm trying to put in the effort to keep in touch, but the other side isn't. like, throw me a damned bone or something.

Posted by Min @ 3:53 PM, ,


Sunday, October 29, 2006

I think I'm feeling much better now. I guess it took a night out to fix me up.

Plus the efforts of my friends-

Ricky: (: Thank you. Hehe. For taking the extra time to chat with me. And for offering to row your sampan out here.

Jingyang: Mwah. Thanks for being there.. Thanks for dinner, you scary lady! Feed me so much. (fuull) Sexay mechanic.

Ash: Happy belated 19th! Hope you had a memorable birthday (:

Azhar: (: I'll be back soon. Wait for me at simpang!

- Thanks you guys!

Well, my first 25 hour day has started - why? The daylight savings thingy.
I have no idea what that means though. Guess I gotta ask someone, or go look it up online. But I'm not gonna do that. I'm too lazy.

Got back from the Halloween Party! at Zhi Xiu's place. (: I'm happier.
I went as a pirate, turns out I'm a new-age pirate. Lol.
Not boots, but heels. Not eye-patch, but hair. Not pirate hat, but top hat!

Was really nice seeing everyone dressed up.

I'll say more next time! And post some pictures as soon as I go around picking at people's cameras.

Posted by Min @ 3:06 PM, ,


Thursday, October 26, 2006

Something's wrong with me.

I'm fine, then I'm not. I'm happy, then I'm sad. I'm high, then I'm low.

I don't ever talk to anyone anymore. And no-one talks to me. Actually talk. About life, about how I'm doing, about how they're doing, about what's going on in their lives, what's going wrong in their lives, etc.

Why hasn't anyone bothered? To write, to email, to call, to whatever. To keep a constant correspondance with me. Why? I've been here 2 months. And it's only my first 2 months here. And I can count with my hands how many times I've talked to my friends.

Am I that pathetic?

If I don't make the first move, if I don't start a conversation, nobody bothers. If I don't call, if I don't message, nobody bothers. Gawd, even when I do, it doesn't make a difference.

Here, back there, anywhere; it doesn't make a damned difference.

What the hell is wrong with me.

Posted by Min @ 2:26 PM, ,


Wednesday, October 25, 2006

i'm so messed up. i'm so blind. i'm so, so stupid. have i been seeing things that aren't there? is it me? why is life so - up? forget about it? not so easy. i try. then i see. then i'm back to where i started. nowhere. at least not anywhere i want to be. maybe it really is just me. i'm not a toy you can play with and discard and come back to when you're bored. it doesn't work that way. life doesn't work that way. people don't work that way. but if it's all in my head. am i doing something wrong here? am i blowing things out of proportion? or is everything the way i think it is? just that you're ignoring it. what am i supposed to be thinking? what on earth are you thinking? what were you thinking? just. leave me alone, don't. ignore me, don't. forget her. forget you. erase my memories. please.

Posted by Min @ 2:26 PM, ,


Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Ricky: You're always welcome here! (: Come visit me when you ORD. Mwahahhaa. Which is still donkey years away. Go NS~

Dada: Shopping? You have Myeong-dong! I have cornfields. I need winter clothes. Where're my mittens! My fingers are freezing here. ): You want all my fingers to drop off?

Anyways, busy busy week coming up. And I'm blogging. And chatting. And watching Superman Returns. And doing laundry. And eating. And breathing. And existing.

What am I doing?

Gawd. I'm so unproductive if left alone. ):

I had a shitty -, due to some circumstances. I was sad. I was annoyed. I was a million things, but happy. My father always said that for that one moment of happiness, you have to go through many other sad/frustrating/angry ones. But just for that small piece of heaven, you would go through the seven hells.

I got my piece of heaven.

It's funny how the person who made you feel whatever, is the only one who can make you feel un-whatever.

What am I talking about?

I saw some things this weekend. I realized some things this weekend. And I don't really like what I've come to realize. I guess that's what happens when.. well, when things happen.

And I've washed my hands off of it. I won't care, or be bothered about whatever's going on. As long as it doesn't affect me, it's not my problem. But the thing is that, it did affect me. And I'm pissed.

And I - - this weekend. I've come to depend. And it's not good, not in this situation. You shouldn't push yourself towards to her. (Haha.)

I'm really sprouting nonsense, in a nonsensical fashion, in nonsensical order.

Posted by Min @ 2:29 PM, ,


Friday, October 20, 2006

I'm so tired.

It's Friday morning, and I'm at the UGL reviewing CS 105's latest torture device: VBA or Visual Basic I-have-no-idea-what-it-stands-for.

It's still cold out. I'm telling you, the weather pms-es. I had misty breath at 11am today! 11am! Gosh. Wonder how cold it'll be later at 6am or so. I've gotta get up early to go sign the lease! 7-frickin'-am in the morning at the Union! Uggggggh.

Just to reiterate: 나=돌대가리=바보.

Sigh.

I really am.

Posted by Min @ 2:31 PM, ,


Tuesday, October 17, 2006

It's Tuesday morning, bright and early. I have classes in an hour. (Ugh) Woke up for breakfast and to do my CS 105 quiz. I aced it in 1 shot this time! But, there's still alot of studying to do if I'm aiming to do well for the 2nd midterm.

I'll be signing the lease to my apartment for Fall 2007-Spring 2008 on Friday! 3 storey, 4 Bed, 2 Bath "house". Yeah. It's kinda exciting if you think about it. (THINK!)




(This is the exterior of the apartment & we get 2 free parking lots!)

Anyways, a recap!

Me and ZhenHao drove down to Saint Louis, Missouri on Sunday!
I'm not saying anything about the drive there and back, it was traumatic and embarrassing. Really. Don't ask.

Driving into St Louis, seeing the Arch appearing in the distance, that feeling was Wow, I'm here. The Arch itself doesn't really have a significant meaning, I guess it was more of a Whew, made it here in one piece.

This is a picture. Of The Old Courthouse and the Gateway Arch behind it.

And I'll talk more after this. I have a class to get to.

Posted by Min @ 11:04 PM, ,


Friday, October 13, 2006

It's 3am, Friday morning.

What am I doing up at this ungodly hour?

I finished my quiz for Anth 143 half an hour ago, it's due in 5 hours. Which is why I'm not asleep in the first place.
Didn't have the Garber&Leigh book, so I missed out on quite a bunch of readings which were tested on the quiz. Lucky me, I only got 1 out of those 3 or 4 questions from that readings wrong.

It's just one class for today then. And attendance is optional this time - it's at the UGL. A bloody waste of time, especially when I haven't even started brainstorming for a thesis. So I'm undecided on whether I should go or not.

(My laptop is making a weird, loud whirring noise. Hmmmm. Is it gonna blow up?)

Breakfast is in 5 hours. I'm gonna get a bagel and an omelette. I love omelettes.
Lunch is in 9 hours. I'll be going to Oooooodles at Busey-Evans. I hope they have good food.

But what I really want? Is Korean food. Ja-jang meun. Jam-pong. Bul-go-gi. Al Dol-sot Bab. Gim-bap.
I miss home-cooked meals. Especially, MY home-cooked meals. I miss my mama's sandwiches for breakfast. I miss An-seung-tang meun for lunch. I miss my mama's okonomoyaki(?), Bu-dae Ji-gae.

I must sound like I'm really hungry. Or like a pig. Either way, it's depressing. I've been here close to 2 months. Is that long? I'm not really quite sure. There's still a while left till I get to go home though. 2 more months. Yeah. I'm halfway there. Just gotta hang on for a while more.

I saw 3 flecks of snow fall from the sky today. It's pathetic. I was expecting more, but that's what you get for expecting something. You get nothing, or close to nothing. So don't hold any expectations of anything/anyone but yourself and your family.

See how depressing life gets?

Maybe it's just because it's late. Maybe my thoughts are too scattered. Maybe I'm pms-ing. Maybe I really am a depressing person.

Posted by Min @ 4:01 PM, ,


Wednesday, October 11, 2006

New life, new place, new blog.
I've decided to move on from (m-in.diaryland.com) to -here. Mostly 'cause I'm too lazy/have no time/can't be bothered to make a new layout.

Well, it's been almost 2 months since I got here. It will be in in 5 days, on 15 October. On which I'll most prolly be in St. Louis, Missouri. It's a 4-hour drive from here, be renting a car with a few friends and drive down to MO!

Finished classes for the day at 220. Wanted to go down to Green St. for lunch but, sigh, nobody wanted to go with me. So, instant noodles in the hot pot! Gotta start doing my homework soon.

1. SPCM Exercise.
2. SPCM Thesis.
3. ECON revision.
4. COMM paper.
5. ANTH readings.
6. COMM readings.

Uh, yeah. Not including the 2 quizzes due sometime really soon. And argh!

7. CS mp3.

Homework rocks my world.

I hope I did okay for my speech. My mid-term grade is B+, but I wanna push it up to an A. I guess it's good thing there are marks allocated for the preparation, not just the presentation itself.

I'm going to make banana split for dinner later. Yup. If I'm not too lazy (which I am).

Sigh. I need to buy a Motorola charger. My old one snapped when the Hoover (vacuum cleaner) got too close to it. How sucky is that? It's gonna cost me more money to replace it. Ugh.

And now my roommate's on the phone with her family, again. Whining and groaning and GAWD! It just bugs the crap out of me. Like, hello? Get a life! Gosh. I don't know anyone who calls home more than her.

Onto other things, apartments. Sigh. Another stupid area to waste energy and good moods on. I guess space is good, privacy is good. But money is an issue here. I'm not dirt poor, but I'm not stinking rich either. If I want to scrimp a little on rent, that's my preference. And there's no freakin' compromise. I have to, 'cause apparently, I should scrimp on my other expenditure.

Fark, no?

Ugh. Farkin' waste of an already small percentage of happiness.

Posted by Min @ 4:57 AM, ,