Min; In Champaign-Urbana, IL

2007-07-21T03:13:00.001+08:00

There comes a time when you finally snap. You give and give, until you can't give anymore. And you don't know what to do. After everything, you still don't know where you stand. And you don't much care anymore.

I thought everything was getting better and I hear that. I think I've heard enough. I think I've paid more than my dues to karma by now.

I need a shot.

I need more than a shot.

2007-07-19T03:02:00.000+08:00

When I was young, I never cut my nails at night because I was afraid an old, shrivelled-up witch would take them, brew a potion and turn herself into a replica of me. Then steal my life - kind of like an identity theft.

I still think about that witch. And I still don't cut my nails at night. But now, I think it's more of an issue of laziness than fear of getting a clone.

Which brings me to this - I am lazy. Lazy, lazy, lazy. And I am also tired and sleepy. Oh no, forgot to shoot out an email. And I finally got my gas/electricity activated for 18 August at 230AM. After calling the company 4 times, faxing my identification 2 times, repeating my name and address countless times, I am FINALLY done with dealing with utilities on my side. Also got most of my weekly assignments for History done, still have that essay due on the 23rd though. ): Sigh. I don't like research papers. Or sedimentary rocks. I don't really care about rocks. Do you?

2007-07-15T20:39:00.000+08:00

We smashed Jeremy head-first into his little cake there after this photo was taken. Sigh, actually we didn't. I wish we did though.

That was Thursday night. Rushed down to Mich's place after that to change and pick her, Alicia and Xinwei up. Then Mel. Lucky girl is graduating by the end of this year. And I'll still be in my 3rd semester only. And off to Zouk! Where I only got 2 shots, which I had to beg for with Mich! The event itself was the most boring thing ever. Hot tranny though! HAHA. And cute No. 10!

Friday night, I hit Arab Street with the gang. Well Arab St after dinner at Lau Pa Sat. Where the set time of 630PM was totally disregarded. Kurn and I were waiting almost 2 hours! We could've had an appetizer, main course, dessert, drinks and they still would've been MIA.

After dinner we did the whole, standing-in-a-circle-blocking-traffic Singapore thing. Haha! Which is what happens outside Man Wok, Lai Lai Wok, and any other Wok! And finally decided to go to Arab St! (Choices: Marina Bowling, Cuppage Pool, Unknown Bar, Simpang Bedok.) You can imagine how long we were standing there trying to decide.

Smoking shee-sha is good for you! While you are taking in smoke, it does not have any tobacco in it! So you don't get addicted. Side effect? You might get addicted to breathing in smoke. And then upgrade to actual ciggys.
Kurn! Who saw Eugene doing his ----star pose below.
Eugene looking like a ----star.

Ahhh. And Sunday. Woke up early to go to Holy Fam with MT. Then met Fiona to go down to Experiences at Suntec. Where I saw Green-Bag, and Blue-Stripe-Earring. =)~ Then I saw Black-Jacket. After which spoilt my mood. SIGH! And I gorged myself. ): Yoghurt + Ice Cream + Some Indo dessert. See what depression does? Bad bad road to go down.

2007-07-06T02:26:00.000+08:00

I'm BRACE-LESS. Woo? =D

Ecstatic. Delirious with Joy.

And it was Fiona's 21st Birthday! (:
Dinner at the Grand Hyatt's Mezza9 - Fionana, M Tree, Pokpok, Hui Wei & Me!
Deli food, even better dessert~*
Went bowling at Marina South after dinner! Haha. Glam dress + Ugly bowling shoes = Fiona!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NANA!

2007-06-28T00:40:00.000+08:00

sooner or later, someone will disappoint you. but not everyone i think, 'cause not everyone matters to the extent that it will really hurt you. it might sound bad, but it's the truth. how much a person can hurt you is how close you are to that person.

sooner or later, you will disappoint someone too. it really is inevitable. and when you do, you'll regret it. but you can't change the past. you can't take it back, no matter how much you wish you could.

and sometimes, it's better that way. sometimes, that hurt makes you stronger, that regret makes you want to be a better person. and sometimes, it makes your relationship stronger. that or it just kills whatever's left of it.

which is bad. bad. bad. and you just have to keep trying to make up for that disappointment. it doesn't help playing the blame game, it'll only make things worse. so either give in, compromise or screw it. it'll be so draining, and you'll want to give up so many times. but if that person is worth all the pain then, fuck you're screwed if that person doesn't feel the same way.

(:

2007-06-24T14:39:00.000+08:00

Something I got off Azhar's blog. It hits home, and I'm sure it will too with you.

Dr. Alan Zimmerman's Comments:

Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way. They'll say something or fail to say something that will hurt you. And they'll do something or fail to do something that will anger you. It's inevitable.

Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone's words and deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by another person, you're headed for deeper problems.

In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll get. You'll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you'll find your productivity slowing down as you spend more and more time thinking about the slight or telling others about it.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS. Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings.

In other words, other people do not "cause" your feelings. You choose them. For example, two different people could be told that their suggestions made at the staff meeting were "stupid and idiotic." One person may "choose" to feel so hurt that he never speaks up at any other meeting again. The other person may "choose" to feel sorry for the critic, sorry that the critic couldn't see the wisdom and necessity of her suggestions.

As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you're stuck. You're a helpless victim.

But if you recognize the fact that you choose your feelings and you are responsible for your feelings, there's hope. You can take some time to think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do.

Then, you've got to learn to WALK AWAY FROM DISAPPOINTMENT. It's difficult to do, but it's possible.

And what can you do about anything once it is over? Not much. You can try to correct it if it is possible, or you can walk away from it if it isn't. Those are your only two choices.

Sometimes you've just got to shake it off and step up.

Finally, you need to FORGIVE. It's difficult, especially when the other person doesn't deserve your forgiveness or doesn't even seek it. It's difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong. Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person's behaviour is okay. And forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person is off the hook. He's still responsible for his misbehaviour.

Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It's about releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviours. It's about letting go of the past so you can go forward to the future. Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to disappoint you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you'll be way ahead of most people. You'll be able to live above and beyond your circumstances.

Identify two people that have disappointed, hurt, or angered you. If possible, select two people towards whom you still have some bitterness. Then ask yourself, "How does my bitterness serve me? Am I happier holding on to it? Do I sleep better? Is my life richer, fuller, and better because of my bitterness?"

If you find that your bitterness is hurting you, make a decision. Actually decide to let it go. Walk away from the disappointment - which means you no longer dwell on it or talk about it.

2007-06-09T13:17:00.000+08:00

Penguin saw a naked girl in the snow. Happy Penguin.

Penguin feeling right at home.

He looks like the KFC Colonel. Stupid MT.

Quek playing soccer.

2007-06-09T13:12:00.000+08:00

I forgot to post these the last time.

Cheahcheah doing the Dunk!

2007-06-07T01:20:00.000+08:00

Should I do a single degree in 3 years?
A double degree in 3.5 years?
Or A double degree in 4 years?

I'm in a dilemma. I prolly won't be able to handle a double in 3.5 years. I'm not built to study!!!

Sigh.

Where are you?

2007-05-29T09:53:00.001+08:00

I'm the worst updater ever. I'm sorry. Do people even come here anymore?

I'm back in Singapore already though. And I've met like, the whole bunch of you at one shot too! It was great being back and hanging out with you guys again. Just like back in the ole JC days.
When we were young! We had fun! We barely studied! We skipped classes! We had fun! We were young. Feel aaaalright.

And there are ants crawling over my white macbook. It's like... black on white? I can see you, you stupid ant, and very clearly too. Stupid ant. Ants annoy me. Especially when they're crawling around my table. I mean, if I see you on the ground, it's your territory, so I don't mind. But on my table?

I MISS YOU.

2007-03-14T14:25:00.000+08:00

I watched 300 today - was a pretty good movie. SO much better than Bridge to Terabithia!!!!!! Gawd, that movie? I'd like to burn every single one of them in Champaign. Horrible movie.

So compared to that, 300 was god-sent! A lil' gory though, but not so realistic 'cause the way the whole movie was filmed was kind of fantasy-ish. Think the part where the Spartan's head was sliced off (the son of the captain), was the grossest one.

Anyways, eyes are feeling hot, tearing. Sigh. Don't know why. My hair's still drying. I shouldn't sleep yet.

2007-03-12T16:24:00.001+08:00

It's Monday morning 3AM.

Spring 2007 & the Senior batch's LAST apartment crawl was held Saturday night.
We crawled from Poon's to ZX's, and some all the way to Joe's and back again!

Photos are all in Poon's camera. I gave up on mine 'cause it's really too slow.

Now I'm sleepy and tired.

Woke up at 1PM, rushed down for breakfast. Tried to do work, instead surfed Facebook. Went to help clean up ZX's apartment. ZX! Not JG! (laughs) Then did some work. Hot Wok-ed. Did some more work. Then helped clean up Poon's apartment. Then did my Mallard.

Yeeeah. Story of my life. How exciting~!

2007-03-10T16:58:00.001+08:00

I walked today. Needed to think. But walking around campus at 2 in the morning in the cold doesn't really give you much time to think about anything other than It's cold and I hope no-one's going to mug me. So I guess that was a failure. Like everything else. Am feeling a little off now. Again. Mood swings yet again. I'm tired now. Am I supposed to wait?

2007-03-04T15:31:00.001+08:00

My wish for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to.
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small.
You never need to carry more than you can hold.
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you.

My song for the moment. It's a little country.

Sitting here in the LAR lounge, again. Came down to do the 203 Mallard. But alas, realised my Excel is lousy. And I can't do regression 'cause of lousy Excel. But kind, kinda Jeremy has decided to lend me his Office 2007. THANKS!! So until then, I shall go self-study since I skipped lab on Friday, and try to do it w/o the computer.

Ahhh...

I'm just recovering from the most disgusting week of the year. 2 midterms for 2 Econ courses. 1 essay for 1 Rhet course, which I really don't like. But go anyways, 'cause if I don't go, I could potentially get another D. Which is bad.

I think I bombed 203. BADBADBAD. I think I crapped alot in 302. BADBADBAD. I think my 105 was a lousy piece of work. BADBADBAD. But, it's over! And I shall not think about it, until results are out. Then I can go sit in a corner and brood.

Downed 8 cans of Red Bull and lots of coffee the past week. Too much caffeine, plus less food. Equals to bad stomach-aches and all around lousy mood. Not good. Worse, my throat's acting up. I really hope I don't get sick. Slept in till 10am this morning, slept again from 2pm to 4pm. Think that helped a little. Hope the cough goes away by tomorrow. Mean Goh. Make fun of my cough.

Anyways, some of them booked the badminton courts again today. From 8-10pm. I went down at 9pm. Cold, outside. Oh, it snowed again too! Anywayss, had a good time at Freer. (: Laughed till I couldn't play, collapsing all over the court with Hui Wei. Lol. I think we irritated our game-mates! :D

So we were happily throwing the shuttlecock around.
With DQ's racket flying to the court behind us.
Hui Wei prancing around the court.
Zhen Wah killing us with his fierceness.
The badminton game turned into a volleyball game.
And poor Jeremy didn't want to play volleyball, so he went away.
Then it became a sepak takraw game.
Not very good, though. Ball going all over the place.
Also hitting this stranger on the head in the court next to us.
Courtesy of Uiaik! Who banged his head in the process while crawling away in shame.
Uiaik, who also did a perfect slam dunk! Photos I'll post next time!

Anyways, it's super cold in the lounge right now. I'm gonna go get my jacket when Lin Yan comes back.

2007-02-25T00:15:00.000+08:00

I'm so sorry for disappointing you.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.
I'm sorry I made you worry.
...You're the best!

2007-02-22T03:08:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry guys, I haven't updated anything at all since I got here huh..? I'll slowly fill you in right now.

Sitting at Guilianni's or however you spell it on Green St. Being a lightbulb to my two friends. o.0 Fun. There's a weird guy sitting behind me. And he's like, breathe-laughing to himself. I have no idea what kind of weird sounds he's making. o.0 At least there are lots of other people here too. Freaky if there weren't.

Haha, that's me! And that's him. Lol. Yeah I'm bored. Had my writing/Rhetoric class from 9-10am. Went back to take a nap and went down to the Engine quad to have lunch at 12. Now it's 115pm and I'm sitting here. Listening to this weird guy making weird noises getting weirded out.

It's been really warm the past 2 days. I'm wearing one-layer underneath my no-more-triclimate jacket. Had to take out the inner jacket cause it's hot if I wear that too! Really hot.

Seriously! He's like "Hur, hur, hur hUr." Hahaha. I'm mean. Me going to hell. ):

Anyways! Soooo, what have I been up to these last month..? I went to Washington DC about 3 weeks ago to get my friend's car. And we drove back about 11 hours, stopping over random places. Even took part in a protest against the Iraq war on the streets of DC. Saw the white house, the huge lincoln and the reflection pool. Quite cool.

Then 2 weeks ago, I went down to downtown Chicago during the Superbowl weekend to visit Da Hye! (: Miss you ducky. Wish you were studying here instead of Korea. (: The Chicago Bears lost to the Colts by the way. Which sucks. And walking like 10 blocks across downtown Chicago at 7-8pm at night alone? Not fun. Yeeeah. More like downright creepy. Though I did see this cool cool thing. I'll go find it now.

And here it is! GO BEARS! Haha. It's so cool huh?

Yeahh. And what did I do last weekend? Uuummm? OH YEAH! Chinese New Year! Got roped into emcee-ing the CNY celebrations. Agggh. Scary. Stressing. It's public speaking times 1,000,000. Didn't really enjoy myself 'cause I was too conscious about the fact that I had to emcee. ): And yeah, things happen.

So.. that's been the gist of what's been going on so far. I heard my parents bought a king-sized bed though. Neat. I wanna sleep on it too. I don't want my single bed! I can't remember how big my bed will be next semester, but I hope its a little bigger than a single!!!! Really. I'd just sleep on the floor otherwise. Gah. Thank god for carpets here!

Think I shall get going now. Will definitely post more stuff as I remember them! And more pictures! OHHHH.

2 DAYS OF SCHOOL was CANCELLED last week from Tuesday to Wednesday cause of a BLIZZZARD!!!!

Haha. Beat that! WOOOO~ I have pictures! Next time though. Think I won't skip my 2pm class. :p

Bye Fan, Azhar, Ricky~ (:

2007-01-02T11:06:00.000+08:00

IT'S A NEW YEAR! A new start to a whole new calendar, Ballack's calendar. (Thanks Ping!) I'm glad to have spent it with my people, it was a night/dawn to remember when I get back to the US. (:

New Year's Day was with my family: We had dinner at "Tuna". Lol. It's a Korean-style, Korean-owned, sashimi place. The first in Singapore. Gawd, had so much maguro, it's unbelievable.

I don't seem to be able to upload any photos. o.0 Ahh, too bad, another time then.

So this is my list:
chicken rice
char kway teow
ban mian
mee hoon kuey
duck rice
hokkien mee
bar chor mee
nasi lemak
bakuteh
mee pok
kway teow soup
yakun kaya toast
crab+man tou!

Umm, yeaah. I haven't had everything on that list yet though. I will by the time I leave. :P

Decided to make this since Blogger isn't doing its job.

2006-12-31T16:17:00.000+08:00

So I've been back for, umm, 12 days. Still left with 15, technically 14. That's 2 weeks.

I'm kind of looking forward to going back, but I think it's just because I still have 2 weeks left, I'm already feeling a little better about being home and then leaving again, and yeah, that.
Don't think I'll be feeling the same when I really have to go back. Not really a good start to a new term - jetlag, homesickness, lots-of-errands, and yeah, that.

It's depressing just thinking about that. And it's just me. Doesn't that suck?

2006-12-25T02:03:00.001+08:00

Dinner at 중화각

Outside Wisma Atria, obviously...

Outside Hereen

Opposite Paragon

Takashimaya?

Nah, this is Orchard Road for X-mas! Nothing fantastic, huh? o.0 Just a whole bunch of people, packed on the streets like a can of sardines. Seriously, there were more people there than on the Quad and Green in between classes.

2006-12-23T10:59:00.000+08:00

Yeah, I'm back - and my teeth hurt again. :P
The 2.5 year long process has started again! I've tightened my braces. And it's prolly gonna take another 6 months before I'll be able to take it out. 'Cause the stupid teeth moved and did the macarena while I was in the US. Sad, no? And I gots to go take another x-ray of my teeth - at least its at Cairnhill so I can walk down to town after that.
So, anyone wants to go with me? I'll prolly go today or something.

It's been raining non-stop since I got here! Wednesday wasn't all that bad though, got a bit of sun in the early afternoon. My papa said it was to welcome me to Sg! Lol. But it's started raining again! I think I'm being told to go back?

And I would go back! If I wasn't here to see my family in the first place.

So I met up with NETTY last night at Siglap.

Haha, retarded lady~ Love her to BITS&PIECES, right down to her manicured toenails! :P

Hmm, don't know what my plans are for the next month. Bah. I'll update with pictures of what went on post-finals in C-U!

2006-12-20T19:39:00.000+08:00

I'm back in Singapore.

(:

2006-12-15T16:52:00.000+08:00

Sitting here, on my bed at 3AM Friday morning. I just got back from... somewhere. I forgot the name of the club. o.O

My head's kinda pounding. I gotta be up in 4 hours to shower and go down for breakfast. Let's try my luck once more, huh? Pray for me Netty! :p

Uhh, anyways... Lol. I'm suck at blogging. I always get bored halfway through and stop.

And I just typed I'm suck at blogging. That doesn't even make sense!

Er. Gonna go take a shower now.

2006-12-10T12:10:00.000+08:00

(In Lin Yan's room, sitting on the floor, lappie on the ironing board.)

Photos courtesy of my Moto Razr

It's Saturday night, just a day to Finals week.
I don't have any papers till Wednesday, but I gotta be in class at 8am on Monday for SPCM 101. Yikes. 8am? I can barely wake up for 9am classes, and I gotta go in at 8am on a Monday! Thank god I already gave my last speech on Friday!

Wednesday=CS105
Thursday=ECON202
Thursday Night=PARTY100

A little more than a week before I fly home.
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY.

I'll prolly die of a heat stroke though.

But I don't care, as long as I'm home.

I've got 2 review sessions tmr. Econ at 1pm, CS at 3pm. At least they're at the same venue. Prolly stay in Wohlers if it ends early. Ugh.

2006-12-03T08:52:00.000+08:00

Okay okay, I'm updating the blog!

(Listening to: Fergie - London Bridges)

Such a weird song, kinda. Nice beat though. But it reminds me of Gwen Stefani and the Pussycat Dolls. They all sound the same. So basically, if you like one, you might like all. Spoilt for choice.

Anyways, I stopped updating during Thanksgiving Break 'cause I couldn't get connected in Florida. Actually I could, but only if I braved the cold and stood outside the house on the sidewalk. I did, for a bit, maybe 10 minutes at a time. It was COLD in Florida! Apparently, a cold front hit the area when I was there. Lucky me~

Some pictures (You can get more if you ask me, I've uploaded them somewhere) -

Me and Hui Wei on the plane to Miami!

The sun setting.

On the Miami highway.

Water Tank? See, Sunshine State!

And me being the idiot that I am, deleted a bulk of the Florida photos in my utter stupidity this afternoon. I just found out. I am such an idiot... (Shoots self)

2006-12-03T08:48:00.000+08:00

And I think I can only upload 5 photos per entry? So here's Orlando -

The dinner and show.

Horsey!

The Twister destroyed my home, and my truck too.

The Grinches that stole Christmas!

And the gloooobe!

There's also DisneyWorld. Go on to the next post.

2006-12-03T08:42:00.000+08:00

And my first trip to DisneyWorld!

The castle. It's really pretty.

Donald, Minnie, Mickey & Goofy!!

Me and my home behind me.

(: Muack POOH!

The castle at night.

And I'm so pissed, now I gotta get the photos all over again. Photos which I took millions of years trying to sort properly! Grr.

2006-12-03T08:35:00.000+08:00

And that's my trip to Florida. There aren't any photos of the beaches, 'cause I kind of deleted them. Yeap. But they're in my online album, so I guess you can ask me for the URL.

Anyways, it's been a heck of a week since break ended. Too many things to do, too little time. It's only 1 more week of classes, then it'll be Finals Week.

Which is kinda stupid for me, since 3 of my 'finals' are next week - ANTH 143, COMM 166, SPCM 101. I'm so dead. Dead, dead, dead. Plus a presentation for COMM 166. At least there won't be anymore CS 105 lectures or labs. Which leaves my MW 9am slots free. Too bad I still have the W ECON 202 discussion at 8am.

Oh oh! And it SNOWED yesterday, December 1st! It's really prettttty. I got to see a white campus before I leave.

Yeah, snow.

The pond outside Lincoln Avenue Residence Hall.

While waiting for 21 Quad to come.

Behind LAR!

Pretty and White. Too bad I couldn't get the Quad in white!! It was freezing cold though. My hands turned red and stiff 'cause I had to hold the camera if I wanted to take photos! Then Edmond came and splayed me with snow. And of course - retaliation! Equals to even colder hands! We had to take refuge in Allen for a while before heading to Busey for lunch!

Anyways, its Saturday already. My speech outline is due on Monday. Gotta start doing that, but I'm waiting for my TA's reply. Bleeeah.

I'm flying back next, next Monday. Can you believe it? It's coming!! I'm going HOME soon!! (: Definitely happy. But thinking about the work I have to finish before I can fly home? Nonono. Not looking forward to that... I'll definitely have to do some touristy shopping in Chicago before I leave. Haven't gotten anything yet. Blagh. What am I even supposed to bring back anyways? Memorabilia of Chicago? Stuff that people will leave to collect dust on their shelves? Is food more practical? And fun to eat? What do you guys want? o.O

Heh, I do have something for Wilfred and Wee Chin though! Hope they like it. It's got something to do with bball. And Biny's t-shirt! I'll go take another look at HotTopic before I leave! And lots of birthday presents to get! Yikes. I missed so many birthdays. ): Think I won't have a choice but to bring back both suitcases.

Is that enough of an update?

2006-11-11T14:03:00.000+08:00

I'm sitting here in Yong Ji and Wei Hong's room, stole Yong Ji's LAN cable. (hehe)

Anyway, waiting for Esther to finish her work so we can go CRAWLING!

And loading "Ouran High School" on Youtube. No idea what it is.

AND (edited out)! RAIN IS GOING TO PERFORM IN SINGAPORE on 21JAN!!!!!!!!!

I'LL BE IN (edited out) USA!!!!!! ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

2006-11-10T16:23:00.000+08:00

I have a new resolve. (Does that even make sense?) And if it doesn't hold, I guess I won't have to think of a New Year's resolution.

I want to hibernate. Like squirrels. (I see Lin Yan jumping around somewhere in joy 'cause I said something about those annoying furry critters) Wait, do squirrels hibernate? Hmm.

I like breakfast on weekdays at LAR. (: Why? I just do.

I don't feel like blogging anymore.

2006-11-08T16:15:00.000+08:00

I am so procrastinating, it's not funny. Really. I'm going to fail. I'm not kidding. Oh my god. And I'm still typing a blog entry. What am I doing?

Ooh. Ducky is online. Finally! Someone who'll talk to me!

Its 2am. Still in the library. Procrastinating.

I'd rather take 2 more CS 105 midterms than do COMM 166. Kill me now.

Sigh. At least my MP's done. Yay for that! (YAY!)

Waiting for my ANTH 143 result - it'll only be out this weekend. Ugh. They always take so long! I studied mad hard for that exam. I want a good grade!

So what's been going on? I've been trying to track my package for days. ): I think it got missent. So I'm still waiting for it. And it's supposed to be speed post. SPEED. Where's the speed my parents were promised? Lost in transition! Ugh.

Did I say the weather's pms-ing here? Well, it entered another stage. Now it's warm. Not warm, warm, per say. But still warmer than before.

Sigh. I'm stressed 'cause I'm procrastinating for COMM. But I'm still not doing anything. Why?!

It's about 8 more days of school, then it'll be Thanksgiving Break! I can't really be bothered though. Weird. Bah.

2006-11-06T15:05:00.000+08:00

i'm so, so tired. i really am.

my eyes are gonna pop out soon. my brain is gonna self-detonate.

sigh. and i really should get to writing that stupid paper.

at least my speech is written, to edit by wed's speaking day. ooh, plus my powerpoint slides.
mp5 is half-done. econ quiz is done. sigh.

what did i do this weekend? took a nice, refreshing rest on friday. really, really nice.
saturday? erm. tried to study, i think. watched the ece people go nuts over their mp. and slept like a baby. ooh. and sunyi's birthday. maah. happy birthday!
sunday. i did my work! i'm proud to say.

and i'm still confused. i still don't know what to think. and i'm still stuck. i'm still a lil messed up.

and i still........

2006-10-31T15:53:00.000+08:00

i wonder why you barely ever talk to me. can i chalk it up to time difference? i guess i could, but i know that's not it. type an email if that's the case. i'm not even expecting snail mail anymore. i know that's never gonna happen.
it's funny how the one person i thought would bother to keep contact with me, isn't. is that how it's going to be? minimum contact for months at end, then pretend everything's the same when i go back? then what's the point? a scratch-surface friendship like that, what's the point?
i try to tell you about my life here. 'cause everything's so new to me. i have so much to say of what i've seen here. what i've done. what, do you think i'm bragging about being in the usa? eye-opener: it's not all that great. i'm not having the time of my life. and i'm not lying about it. sure, there are times when i like it here. i didn't come here to get depressed over leaving.
it's like i'm being regarded as non-existant. how come none of you guys ever msg me? did you never see the distress signals i've been sending out the past few weeks? or can't you be bothered to take the time to find out?
i don't know what to say or think. it's like i'm trying to put in the effort to keep in touch, but the other side isn't. like, throw me a damned bone or something.

2006-10-29T15:06:00.001+08:00

I think I'm feeling much better now. I guess it took a night out to fix me up.

Plus the efforts of my friends-

Ricky: (: Thank you. Hehe. For taking the extra time to chat with me. And for offering to row your sampan out here.

Jingyang: Mwah. Thanks for being there.. Thanks for dinner, you scary lady! Feed me so much. (fuull) Sexay mechanic.

Ash: Happy belated 19th! Hope you had a memorable birthday (:

Azhar: (: I'll be back soon. Wait for me at simpang!

- Thanks you guys!

Well, my first 25 hour day has started - why? The daylight savings thingy.
I have no idea what that means though. Guess I gotta ask someone, or go look it up online. But I'm not gonna do that. I'm too lazy.

Got back from the Halloween Party! at Zhi Xiu's place. (: I'm happier.
I went as a pirate, turns out I'm a new-age pirate. Lol.
Not boots, but heels. Not eye-patch, but hair. Not pirate hat, but top hat!

Was really nice seeing everyone dressed up.

I'll say more next time! And post some pictures as soon as I go around picking at people's cameras.

2006-10-26T14:26:00.000+08:00

Something's wrong with me.

I'm fine, then I'm not. I'm happy, then I'm sad. I'm high, then I'm low.

I don't ever talk to anyone anymore. And no-one talks to me. Actually talk. About life, about how I'm doing, about how they're doing, about what's going on in their lives, what's going wrong in their lives, etc.

Why hasn't anyone bothered? To write, to email, to call, to whatever. To keep a constant correspondance with me. Why? I've been here 2 months. And it's only my first 2 months here. And I can count with my hands how many times I've talked to my friends.

Am I that pathetic?

If I don't make the first move, if I don't start a conversation, nobody bothers. If I don't call, if I don't message, nobody bothers. Gawd, even when I do, it doesn't make a difference.

Here, back there, anywhere; it doesn't make a damned difference.

What the hell is wrong with me.

2006-10-25T14:26:00.000+08:00

i'm so messed up. i'm so blind. i'm so, so stupid. have i been seeing things that aren't there? is it me? why is life so - up? forget about it? not so easy. i try. then i see. then i'm back to where i started. nowhere. at least not anywhere i want to be. maybe it really is just me. i'm not a toy you can play with and discard and come back to when you're bored. it doesn't work that way. life doesn't work that way. people don't work that way. but if it's all in my head. am i doing something wrong here? am i blowing things out of proportion? or is everything the way i think it is? just that you're ignoring it. what am i supposed to be thinking? what on earth are you thinking? what were you thinking? just. leave me alone, don't. ignore me, don't. forget her. forget you. erase my memories. please.

2006-10-24T14:29:00.000+08:00

Ricky: You're always welcome here! (: Come visit me when you ORD. Mwahahhaa. Which is still donkey years away. Go NS~

Dada: Shopping? You have Myeong-dong! I have cornfields. I need winter clothes. Where're my mittens! My fingers are freezing here. ): You want all my fingers to drop off?

Anyways, busy busy week coming up. And I'm blogging. And chatting. And watching Superman Returns. And doing laundry. And eating. And breathing. And existing.

What am I doing?

Gawd. I'm so unproductive if left alone. ):

I had a shitty -, due to some circumstances. I was sad. I was annoyed. I was a million things, but happy. My father always said that for that one moment of happiness, you have to go through many other sad/frustrating/angry ones. But just for that small piece of heaven, you would go through the seven hells.

I got my piece of heaven.

It's funny how the person who made you feel whatever, is the only one who can make you feel un-whatever.

What am I talking about?

I saw some things this weekend. I realized some things this weekend. And I don't really like what I've come to realize. I guess that's what happens when.. well, when things happen.

And I've washed my hands off of it. I won't care, or be bothered about whatever's going on. As long as it doesn't affect me, it's not my problem. But the thing is that, it did affect me. And I'm pissed.

And I - - this weekend. I've come to depend. And it's not good, not in this situation. You shouldn't push yourself towards to her. (Haha.)

I'm really sprouting nonsense, in a nonsensical fashion, in nonsensical order.

2006-10-20T14:31:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired.

It's Friday morning, and I'm at the UGL reviewing CS 105's latest torture device: VBA or Visual Basic I-have-no-idea-what-it-stands-for.

It's still cold out. I'm telling you, the weather pms-es. I had misty breath at 11am today! 11am! Gosh. Wonder how cold it'll be later at 6am or so. I've gotta get up early to go sign the lease! 7-frickin'-am in the morning at the Union! Uggggggh.

Just to reiterate: 나=돌대가리=바보.

Sigh.

I really am.

2006-10-17T23:04:00.000+08:00

It's Tuesday morning, bright and early. I have classes in an hour. (Ugh) Woke up for breakfast and to do my CS 105 quiz. I aced it in 1 shot this time! But, there's still alot of studying to do if I'm aiming to do well for the 2nd midterm.

I'll be signing the lease to my apartment for Fall 2007-Spring 2008 on Friday! 3 storey, 4 Bed, 2 Bath "house". Yeah. It's kinda exciting if you think about it. (THINK!)

(This is the exterior of the apartment & we get 2 free parking lots!)

Anyways, a recap!

Me and ZhenHao drove down to Saint Louis, Missouri on Sunday!
I'm not saying anything about the drive there and back, it was traumatic and embarrassing. Really. Don't ask.

Driving into St Louis, seeing the Arch appearing in the distance, that feeling was Wow, I'm here. The Arch itself doesn't really have a significant meaning, I guess it was more of a Whew, made it here in one piece.

This is a picture. Of The Old Courthouse and the Gateway Arch behind it.

And I'll talk more after this. I have a class to get to.

2006-10-13T16:01:00.001+08:00

It's 3am, Friday morning.

What am I doing up at this ungodly hour?

I finished my quiz for Anth 143 half an hour ago, it's due in 5 hours. Which is why I'm not asleep in the first place.
Didn't have the Garber&Leigh book, so I missed out on quite a bunch of readings which were tested on the quiz. Lucky me, I only got 1 out of those 3 or 4 questions from that readings wrong.

It's just one class for today then. And attendance is optional this time - it's at the UGL. A bloody waste of time, especially when I haven't even started brainstorming for a thesis. So I'm undecided on whether I should go or not.

(My laptop is making a weird, loud whirring noise. Hmmmm. Is it gonna blow up?)

Breakfast is in 5 hours. I'm gonna get a bagel and an omelette. I love omelettes.
Lunch is in 9 hours. I'll be going to Oooooodles at Busey-Evans. I hope they have good food.

But what I really want? Is Korean food. Ja-jang meun. Jam-pong. Bul-go-gi. Al Dol-sot Bab. Gim-bap.
I miss home-cooked meals. Especially, MY home-cooked meals. I miss my mama's sandwiches for breakfast. I miss An-seung-tang meun for lunch. I miss my mama's okonomoyaki(?), Bu-dae Ji-gae.

I must sound like I'm really hungry. Or like a pig. Either way, it's depressing. I've been here close to 2 months. Is that long? I'm not really quite sure. There's still a while left till I get to go home though. 2 more months. Yeah. I'm halfway there. Just gotta hang on for a while more.

I saw 3 flecks of snow fall from the sky today. It's pathetic. I was expecting more, but that's what you get for expecting something. You get nothing, or close to nothing. So don't hold any expectations of anything/anyone but yourself and your family.

See how depressing life gets?

Maybe it's just because it's late. Maybe my thoughts are too scattered. Maybe I'm pms-ing. Maybe I really am a depressing person.

2006-10-11T04:57:00.000+08:00

New life, new place, new blog.
I've decided to move on from (m-in.diaryland.com) to -here. Mostly 'cause I'm too lazy/have no time/can't be bothered to make a new layout.

Well, it's been almost 2 months since I got here. It will be in in 5 days, on 15 October. On which I'll most prolly be in St. Louis, Missouri. It's a 4-hour drive from here, be renting a car with a few friends and drive down to MO!

Finished classes for the day at 220. Wanted to go down to Green St. for lunch but, sigh, nobody wanted to go with me. So, instant noodles in the hot pot! Gotta start doing my homework soon.

1. SPCM Exercise.
2. SPCM Thesis.
3. ECON revision.
4. COMM paper.
5. ANTH readings.
6. COMM readings.

Uh, yeah. Not including the 2 quizzes due sometime really soon. And argh!

7. CS mp3.

Homework rocks my world.

I hope I did okay for my speech. My mid-term grade is B+, but I wanna push it up to an A. I guess it's good thing there are marks allocated for the preparation, not just the presentation itself.

I'm going to make banana split for dinner later. Yup. If I'm not too lazy (which I am).

Sigh. I need to buy a Motorola charger. My old one snapped when the Hoover (vacuum cleaner) got too close to it. How sucky is that? It's gonna cost me more money to replace it. Ugh.

And now my roommate's on the phone with her family, again. Whining and groaning and GAWD! It just bugs the crap out of me. Like, hello? Get a life! Gosh. I don't know anyone who calls home more than her.

Onto other things, apartments. Sigh. Another stupid area to waste energy and good moods on. I guess space is good, privacy is good. But money is an issue here. I'm not dirt poor, but I'm not stinking rich either. If I want to scrimp a little on rent, that's my preference. And there's no freakin' compromise. I have to, 'cause apparently, I should scrimp on my other expenditure.

Fark, no?

Ugh. Farkin' waste of an already small percentage of happiness.